I’ll Have a DLT, Please

I’ve written many times about my DLTs (daughter-like-thingies). I think that in all of my years, they are the most unexpected and happiest surprises in my life. While I can in no way take any credit for the ladies they’ve grown to become, they’ve allowed me the indulgence of gushing about them. I’ve not had children of my own, but I can’t imagine that I would have loved them any more than this trio.

I first met them over ten years ago when their mom, Mary* (with whom I was working at the time), brought them to a company picnic. I was immediately smitten. My dad had described that when he first met my mom’s family he immediately thought of them as his family, too. Well, while I understood that, I didn’t really understand it until it happened to me.

Because of job and life changes, there were a few years where contact was lost. Then, quite unexpectedly, our lives once again were entwined.  It’s been an interesting ride ever since.

Something that fascinates me is how I can love them all so much the same, and yet somehow love them each differently. I’d heard parents talking about it, and had learned about it in college, but it was yet another note in this curious symphony that I wasn’t expecting. Regardless, I get to savor the time I get to spend with any of them, or any combination thereof.

Jamie is the eldest, and the first one I talked to at that fateful picnic. She was 15 at the time. We bond on a sort of odd level. She has a wicked sense of humor, that one. I also probably talk about life stuff with her more than the others. At least so far.

Tess has so many traits in common with me when I was younger that it’s almost freaky at times. I’d almost get bent out of shape about it sometimes, but then I think back to how patient everyone was (and still is) with me, and I just love her all the more.

Scarlet, at first, was the most difficult for me to get to know. Part of that was her having recently had her first daughter (at 14), and her confidence was a little shaken for a while. But I noticed that when I’d go over, she tended to be the one I spoke with the most. With her confidence back in spades, she’s grown into a woman who can be formidable when she chooses to be.

I mostly try to ensure that none of them wants to go all formidable on me. Admittedly, that isn’t very hard when just knowing that they are OK is enough to make me smile. Just seeing that one of them online lets me know we are still connected.

I think back to the night when Troeesha was being born. Joxer was, like many young fathers, a bit antsy about this girl about to come into the world. I don’t understand that thinking myself. I’d always desired girls had they been in the propagation sweepstakes. Yeah, they can be more stressful, especially during the teen/early twenty years, but I think that’s more than made up for the relationship you get in all of the other years.

Of course, life isn’t always all sweetness and light. With the family more scattered than was the case even at this point last year, I don’t get to see the DLTs nearly as much as my psyche would like. True, it makes the time we do share all the more treasured, but I miss them. Honestly, I don’t see how divorced dads (who happen to love their kids) who only get every-other weekend and occasional holidays cope with it. Whatever I feel in my situation with the girls has to be so much worse for those court-limited dads and their kids. It makes me appreciate the movie Mrs. Doubtfire all the more.

But, as I mentioned, I’ve been the beneficiary of the perks. Sure, there have been the rare scattered rough patches, but mostly I get the good stuff. I’m not complaining. My DLTs have brought more joy into my life than I thought I’d get. I’ve also learned a lot. I also think it says a lot about them that they still seem to tolerate me being around after all these years. I’m no great prize, so that says a great deal about how big their hearts are.

So, I think it’s fair to say that if I’m ever again presented with a menu at the lunch counter of life, I won’t even have to read it. I’ll just say with a smile, “I’ll have a DLT, please.”