Those Rings

What’s the deal with those diamond engagement rings?  I just don’t get it.  And no…dealing with it is not a first-person problem I’ve ever had nor am I likely to have.

I think my biggest confusion is the term itself: engagement ring.  To me, that sounds like it’s a symbolic down-payment for the verbal contract promising the hope of a future connubial bonding.  As such, since it’s almost by definition a temporary thing, shouldn’t it just be a sort of “Cracker Jack” trinket that will be upgraded upon the nuptial day?

Instead, it’s all screwed up.  While the DeBeers cartel shoulders its share of the blame, I can’t help but mostly blame the brides and brides-to-be (and a fair number of grooms, too…let’s be fair) for bad prioritizing. As reported by CNN, in 2005 the average (AVERAGE) wedding cost was a tad over $26,000.  That.  Is. Ridiculous.  The engagement ring alone contributed over $4000 of the total.  Are you serious?  $4000 for a symbol and $22,000 for a party?  This to me makes no sense.  Folks, I have to tell you, the wedding is just a day…a marriage is for life (or at least it will seem so).  Stop wasting the money on a party and invest in your future and the future of your children — in 18+ years, that $26,000, well invested, will more than pay for most college educations for the 1.8 children you are likely to have..

Uh…what was my point?  Oh yeah, the ring.

Like I said, if you are going to shell out money for a ring, shouldn’t it be for the wedding ring, and not the engagement ring?  Most women seem to treat that silly hunk of carbon AS their wedding ring.  Guys, if you are going to shell out four grand for a ring, shouldn’t it be for when the deal is done rather than when the contract is first drawn up but not signed?  You wouldn’t pay a contractor in full when he just give you the estimate, and that would just be for a deck.

Personally, I find most diamond rings to be less than attractive.  With most settings, they are also hazardous, snagging on just about everything.  I see nothing wrong with the gold bands, and just the gold bands.  They don’t have to be plain.  For one anniversary, my mom and dad upgraded to white and yellow gold bands with some interesting texturing.  I think they are among the most aesthetically pleasing wedding rings I’ve ever seen.

But let’s consider if the deal goes sour and the engagement breaks.  Many places consider that diamond engagement ring to be a gift.  Me, I think of it as a condition of a contract…if the contract is severed (especially if it is severed by the recipient of the ring), then the ring should be returned.  While many women do give the rings back, a fair number do not — knowing that lawyers are expensive enough that the guy will eventually give up the fight.  Fellows, doesn’t it make more sense to give something whose cost you’re willing to eat if things go south?

Here’s the deal.  Let’s just give a simple, non-allergenic ring for the engagement.  I’d suggest silver, or even gold (not solid, but plated or filled), if you must.  If you feel you must be wedding-day-extravagant (which, as I said, is a poor money management strategy), then give the big showy diamond in the platinum setting at that time, after the I dos are done.  Don’t put the cart before the horse (I know, I know…bad metaphor).