Musing on…A Modest Future

At last, we have achieved what was once thought impossible…the terror-proof airplane. It’s been decades since the event early in the century brought into focus what constantly terrifying weapons non-military aircraft could be. It’s taken many refinements, but the goal of safe air travel is now upon us.

Beginning today, all airline passengers will have all of their possessions (bags, luggage, clothing

) confiscated without hope of return. General Emergency Screenings To Aide Political Office-holder procedures now in place have added security and history checks as well as home searches for all ticket holders. Ticket holders will also be strip-searched, X-rayed, elementary particle scanned (EPSed), and MRIed to detect any contraband. Artificial implants of any kind without complete and approved government paperwork at the time of screening will be removed (or the ticket-holder may elect to be arrested). Upon being cleared for safety, ticket-holders will be held in sealed chambers at the airport for the duration of the estimated travel time.

Updated regulations also have been passed for aircraft. Based on the report: "Deputy Undersecretary Micromanaging Business Assessment for Safety & Security", no aircraft is permitted to carry any flammable or combustible product of any sort. All systems are to be totally automated without the need for on-board human supervision or interaction. Furthermore, so as to prevent any further loss of life, the protocol known as the International Defense In Ominous Terror Scenarios is now in effect, mandating that all aircraft be located at high-security locations at least thirty kilometers away from an air terminal.

John Zeeghyle, from the Presidential Office Of Political Health, Elections, And Deniability said, "While we acknowledge that there might be some small inconvenience to airline customers, the President feels that this is more than compensated for by the feeling of security ticket-holders will have knowing that they will not be caught up in an in-flight incident. Additionally, the comfort those hundreds of millions of citizens on the ground will have knowing that every possible effort has been made to keep the skies safe should come as welcome relief from the dozen or so aircraft that have littered our schoolyards, our parks, and yes, even our baby’s cribs, with a few hundred bodies over the past several decades. This administration feels that the life of even one voter is worth any expense to further our pursuit of our well-self-served and thought out ad hoc policies."

Unconfirmed reports suggest that the administration’s next initiative is to give more funding to the Bureau of Immigration Guidelines On Travel & Security so as to keep potential terror suspects away from any sensitive non-critical non-government job. It’s been long rumored that this move would make official the growing influence of Surveilling Neighbors Outing Our Problematic Secrets — the small-scale terror-hunt tool that was born of the old neighborhood watch paradigm. To date, twenty-seven thousand people, mostly aliens and the non-faithful, are being held until they can be assessed by the highly accurate float-or-drown method.

Clearly the government is slowly moving to the ultimate goal in our citizen’s safety: having us all stay indoors isolated from the dangers of the world. The mind boggles at how our species survived so long without leaders so caring that they actively pursued the seemingly impossible task of making sure that no harm ever came to us in any form: whether through fault, or accident, or violence, or word, or deed. No civilization has ever been so close to Utopia than the one we are blessed to live in.