The Other Ties That Bind

I think I’ve been pretty lucky to have had good friends for a very long time. I’ve moved thousands of miles/kilometers several times in my life, and yet I still stay in touch with the people I’ve met along the way. While we might not be part of each other’s daily lives any more, we are most certainly threads in the fabric of each other’s tapestry.

I’ll be the first to admit that the Internet does make all of this a little easier. Even so, most of my friends and I stick to the method that has worked for millennia: the mail. Whatever form our communication takes: postcards, letters, email, pigeons…we still put forth at least some effort to keep in touch with something more than the most trivial of options. I count myself as blessed to have had these people in my lives (even if they didn’t mention me in the yearbook [private joke]).

The person I’ve stayed in touch with the longest is also the friend I’ve had the longest…over thirty-five forty years. We first became friends when I moved to the Maryland-side of the DC suburbs in 1970. Finn (*all names are changed since I haven’t asked permission to use them) and I went through public school together, and after a brief blip when he went to another college, we reunited at the University of Maryland. It’s unsurprising, with our shared backgrounds, that we’ve had a lot of interests in common. I think one thing that really cemented our bond was a love of women’s sports. He was just as intertwined with Terrapin athletics as I was. Fun times.

It’s really the other moments, the extra-curricular moments, that I most remember. The spur-of-the-moment beach trip where we coerced people we knew from high school to come with us. The famous evening of seeing The Wicker Man (coincidentally, with many of the same friends that went on the beach trip) followed by a long rap session in the car, in the middle of the night, in the parking lot of the Marlow Heights Shopping Center. Of him coming over to my apartment to type some of his amazingly long paper on the Detroit Riots. Of…well, you get the idea. I have shared a greater cornucopia of moments in my years of knowing Finn than I have with any other individual friend.

Our most recent adventure was so very third millennium. There was this girl that we knew back in elementary school. Frenchy was very attractive (a lightning rod of male adolescent interest, for sure) and a friend to both of us, but she moved not long into 7th grade. Not a word. Well, a little while ago, with the help of the ‘net, Finn found a clue…a thread in the web that might be her. I joined in the search, which ultimately culminated with us getting back in touch with our long-lost pal. Now understand, I, too, had a crush on her back then, and it was nice to find out what had happened since. She’s had a good life, and I got to share in yet one more excellent adventure.

Anyway, after college, Finn joined the Air Force to be an officer. Overall, in terms of our relationship, wholly unremarkable, but one thing does stand out in my mind. He’d come back to the DC area, and we were going to shop at the best off-campus bookstore at Maryland. He’s in his USAF uniform, all pressed and shined, and I’m my photographer self (that’s what I was doing at the time) in flannel, jeans, and sporting my ever-present beard and long hair. What I most remember, other than Finn snapping a crisp salute for a Navy commander exiting the store, was a photographer grabbing a candid picture of us walking from the parking lot. It still makes me smile thinking about what a sight we two friends must have made to an outsider: this quasi-hippy guy palling around with a fly boy officer.

Oh man, as I keep typing, my mind fills with so many moments. The oral reports in 8th and 9th grade social studies. Working backstage as grips during our school’s presentation of a Gong Show. Hanging out with the Stoddert Seven (oh, what an evening that was). The night he left me in a house where a lot of the sex was going on. The not-really-a-date thing he concocted with a beautiful red head that had enough traits in common with me that it made me realize that if I had to live with me, I’d either drive myself crazy, or I’d kill me. Hmmm….I wonder whatever happened to her?

In any event, except through the written word, we haven’t seen or heard from each other for about sixteen twenty years. But you know, that doesn’t matter. While different people, more immediate people, inevitably become your “best friends,” there is still usually one (or a few, if you’re really lucky) that you know will be a part of your life long past the transience of best friendship. My long-time friend, Finn, is certainly that for me. I’m a better person for getting to have him in my life. He’s challenged me, he’s inspired me, and he’s been there for me when I needed someone to bitch-and-moan to. And he’s made me laugh…which might be the best gift of all. Whether it was a long-setup pun, or a quip about the Peloponnesian Wars, Finn could always bring a smile to my face. Thank you, my dear friend.

But, like I said, I’ve been pretty lucky. There will be more posts with more memories of the people that I’m happy crossed my path, I’m sure. Finn deserved not only the first, but one where he flew solo. What happens in the future…I don’t know. We’ll see what we will see.