Improving Foul Shot Distractions

As I immerse myself in “March Madness”, one aspect of these games (and all basketball games) really bugs me: the amateurish attempts to distract foul shooters. It’s shameful how a partisan crowd, especially university crowds, are unable to get their act together to enact some sort of coordinated plan to distract opponent foul shooters. Shameful.

It is true that these loyal partisans try to do their best to draw away the eye with great enthusiasm. They wave long balloons. They pound thundersticks. They wave their arms. And yet the foul shooter never seem to be distracted from their task. In fact, if anything, it causes them to be more focused. It’s easy to understand why: the ad hoc attempts at distraction amount to little more than white noise that is easily discounted.

What is needed is a plan. The entire behind-the-basket section has to be involved, and ideally, rehearsed. The methods need to be specifically targeted to the goal of making this uncontested shot more difficult.

Visual

The prime element to anything visual working is having a solid wall of partisans. The entire section must be full without any basket-aligned stairs or passages. All the player sees is a wall of humanity.

Next, efforts must be employed to deliberately create an illusion for the shooter in order to criss-cross his visual processing. This will never be entirely effective, for if the player can totally focus eir attention on the rim, any effort to distract with be iffy.

The most obvious approach is to employ parallel lines across the section via placards. The section holds up a massive vertical, horizontal, or diagonal design. As the shooter is going through their routine, the coordinated section slowly shifts the pattern in a direction perpendicular to the line orientation. As the shooter is about to shoot, the movement stops. If all goes well, the after-image of the lines will screw up the fine targeting necessary for a successful shot. If cards are disallowed, a lesser effect can be had with upraised arms…just have the entire section slowly move them perpendicular to their orientation.

A different tactic would be to hold up cards showing rims + tape that appear to be the same size as the actual rim from the shooter’s perspective. The images would have differing degrees of blur: some sharply focused, some seemingly slightly out of focus. If the shooter’s own focus wanders just a little, then it will be all too easy to lose the correct basket.

Yet another tactic involves the zebra effect (which causes lions to lose focus on a targeted prey animal). As with the first method, the entire section needs to hold up a design. This design is made up of wavy and jagged bands that can be moved about. The bands need to be the same reddish-orange as the rims. Again, if the shooter’s eyes wander at all, they’ll can lose the fix on their target.

Audio

But vision isn’t the only sense that can be targeted by the discerning fan. Sound can be a very powerful weapon.

Imagine that the arena is typically noisy. Shouting. Rising decibels. As the shooter is about to shoot, the entire arena goes silent. It’s enough to give anyone the willies.

Since that’s not usually practical, given that the overwhelming majority of the crowd has to play along, how about something that the distraction section can do: rolling sound. Just as with the long-overused wave, the section uses changes in their volume to alter the aural dimension. For example. As the shooter goes through eir routine, the distraction section maintains a fairly even volume. As the shooter winds up to take the shot, this evenness alters, with one side being slightly quieter while the other is louder…with an even change across the section. Auditorily, this would create a “tilt” sensation that might be able to alter shots just enough to miss.

Another tactic is the group bad joke. During the pre-shoot routine, one side of the section shouts something like, “What’s the sound of exploding sheep?” The other half replies “Sis-boom-baaa”. The more pathetic the joke, the better. You just have to get in the shooter’s head. (Unfortunately, this can have the opposite effect and taking away a shooter’s nerves…use with caution.)

Then there’s the always popular “Clef-hanger ending” tactic that is of dubious utility, but can be distracting. The usual method is to do the shave-and-a-hair-cut tune, and then instead of giving the always satisfying Da-da ending, just have the section do “Da…” and leave that last note hanging. The downside with this tactic is that not all basketball players are smart enough to be able to understand this ploy (and thus will fail). Also, the “Clef-hanger” can end up stuck in your own team’s head, causing them to fall apart. Again, use with caution.

Be Creative

As I’ve shown, there is more than one way to skin this cat. I’ve just pointed out some of the more obvious. I leave it to the creative and energetic minds of the fans to come up with plans that are more effective. All I ask is that you stop the useless hand/balloon/thunderstick waving. It’s embarrassing. If you are going to be unsportsmanlike, at least elevate your level of competence, please.

(This is provided as a humorous diversion for the reader to ponder. If you choose to try anything related to this stuff and you get into trouble…it’s on you.)