This Dance We Do

Mary Scott* and I do a little dance every 6-8 weeks or so. You see, she’s very Christian and I’m so very not. As a result, periodically, she has a small conniption about how I don’t treat her faith as important, that we can never be totally close because of the faith issue, yadda, yadda, yadda.

This morning I get a text message from her inviting me to attend church with her and the family. I politely beg off. Then the sell gets harder. I try to explain that even if I were a Christian, I still wouldn’t want to go to church. I never really liked going to church (of any faith…not even the one I grew up in). I’m then told that that’s why she keeps a distance from me, that I’m blowing her off, and that apparently it doesn’t matter to me that it’s important to her. Whoa. I still decline, but I do say that I still love her and respect the faith that she has.

Like I said, this happens periodically. The last time, I thought that she might call off our relationship. She might, yet. Honestly, I have no real control over that. I do get irked a little by having to do this dance. I mean, she knows that I’ve not only read the Bible several times, but that I still study it from time-to-time. It just so happens that it’s not enough to turn my head. I think the thing that annoys me most is that while I do make the effort to understand her and her faith, she doesn’t make any effort (that I know of) to understand any aspect of mine. She never asks me about it. It might not be quite as important on a day-to-day basis to me as hers is to her, but it is important to my life. Instead it’s ignored and I’m in the cross-hairs of the to-be-converted arsenal. (To be fair, two Christmasses ago she asked if she could try to convert me, and I said that she could try…so on that score I really have no complaint coming.)

So, do I think she’ll break up with me over this? Maybe. Probably not, but maybe. She’ll do what she feels she must. I’m not closing the door to our relationship in any case, to her or her mom or any of the girls; any time any or all of them want me in their lives, I’ll be there with open arms and no questions asked. I love them, and that comes with a permanent You’re In My Life card. No apologies, no recriminations.

It’s not like the possibility hasn’t been enacted before. Eight years ago we were on the path of getting close (Mary even semi-jokingly asked me to marry her once), but then they dropped out of my life for 4-5 years—not for the same reason as now. When Mary got back in touch with me, I was back in, no questions asked. For the rest of my life it will be the same. When you know what the score is, you don’t stop hearing the music within you just because the orchestra stops…and it might start back up again.

What now? I’m pretty much just seeing what happens. I don’t want to dig my heels in too much, but apologizing for who I am is not something I’m going to do. I don’t have an agenda, and if I thought she simply wanted me to join them for the company instead of wanting to turn me, then I might just have gone despite the fact that I simply don’t like going to church. While I said that she could try to convert me, I never said that I’d make the job easy or be a willing participant. I mean, I listen and watch a ton of Christian stuff without complaint, but how far should I have to go? Really? After all, I would never think of asking her to join me to celebrate Samhain with a local coven (not that I would want to go either, but that’s beside the point)—it would seem a little….rude? tasteless? Something.

We’ll see what happens. It’ll probably mostly blow over with a return to being kept in the metaphorical doghouse a bit. Sometime around Thanksgiving I’m sure I’ll be back on this roller coaster again. Kind of screws up my week a bit (and, after dealing with my parents, I really don’t need the extra drama), but it is what it is. No one ever said that love was easy.