Of Course I Was Bullied

In the 60s and 70s, if you were a “Braniac”, one thing was almost certain: you were going to be bullied. Being smart wasn’t cool, it was exclusionary. It was like painting a target on your back.

One thing that helped was my family moving and having me change schools for several years in my early school career. It made it hard for the bullies to build up any momentum. Once we settled in Maryland, though, the landscape changed. I had a particular nemesis: Nigel*.

In elementary school, Nigel and his friend, Percy, would sometimes corner me. Percy would hold my arms behind me and Nigel would deliver three or four strong blows to my gut (I had a gut). No reason…it was just my turn. Sometimes Nigel would try to take my bike. My parents (knowing that parents interfering hardly ever helps) told me that if they tried, to hit them. Here’s something that you need to know: if you are sitting on a bike, trying to hit someone in the face isn’t your best plan of action.

Things started changing in junior high school. There I’d take two different actions. In class, when the cheating cheaters wanted to cheat off of my tests (or else), I’d employ various tactics to confound their plans. In other situations, I’d be given the clichéd directive to meet the bully at some place after school. Screw that. I avoided them. But sometimes you can’t avoid them.

I think one of the keys to life is to pick your battles. Which ones are you willing to fight even though you likely will lose? (Picking only battles you are sure to win is, basically, bullying.) I had a couple of those. I was in situations where it was likely I wasn’t going to come out of it with body parts undamaged. In one instance, the bully backed down (whew!). In another episode with a different antagonist, I got lucky and got the upper hand almost immediately. After that second incident–close on the heels to the first–the bullying stopped. I guess I’d taken the target off of my back.

People have been bullied since there have been others trying to assert some misguided idea of superiority. Many of my friends growing up–male and female–had their incidents of bullying. Most either diffused it, turned it around, or graduated to the adult world where the bullying is usually more subtle.

There is no lesson here. Everyone’s situation is different. Times and methods change. Some will raise their fists, others will outsmart, others will wait it out. Every method can work and every method can fail. In the end it’s about you: your choices, your actions, and accepting responsibility for what you do with what you can control.

* Names have been changed.