For the past few weeks, I’ve been in sort of a weird place. I don’t really know how to describe it…then again, that’s been one of the symptoms, the inability to express myself as well as I’d like. Mostly, though, I’ve been tired. Being that I’m sleeping only 5-6 hours a night when my body would rather have something more than 7 hours might have something to do with that.
There really isn’t any specific thing that is causing this, at least, that I can tell. One factor might be with the Scotts* not being nearly as available as I had gotten used to. Its sort of like they were all there and then poof, they weren’t. I miss having my adopted/adoptive family around. It’s a little isolating. C’est la vie…I’ll adapt.
Part of it may be that I’m getting used to being a fiction writer again. I started back on the final polish of the novel. It had been so close to being done, but then my dad started taking so much time and energy that I had to shelve the book for a while. It’s taken a good six months to get my head back to a place where my imagination is starting to roam through the mindscape. The art thing doesn’t require nearly as much effort. I can paint for many hours and just feel some fatigue in my hand. When I’m immersed in a world of creative fantasy…by the end of the day I’m just whipped. But I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I can’t hardly wait to start the next novel.
Then there’s the heat. You know, me in my late 40s doesn’t quite have the stamina for working outside on a summer day that me in my 20s did. With so much to do in order to keep the house in a well-maintained state…well, I get tired. This getting older thing is still sort of new to me, so I haven’t quite figured out how to pace myself, yet.
Maybe I need to commit some art. I haven’t done anything in about two weeks — either I write or I art…hard to do both. Taking a couple of days to shoot some paint might be a good thing to do….if I could think of what to paint. *sigh* It’s always something
But I shouldn’t complain. My heart is filled with love, which is a very good thing. If I close my eyes, I can hear the soft melody of a Muse…and that is always a very good thing. I have friendships that I treasure, and I think I still have a few adventures left in this old soul of mine. All-in-all, my life is filled with a lot of smiles.
And yet, I’m still in a weird place. At least it isn’t ennui. I didn’t much care for the ennui. Maybe a few good nights of sleep will settle things. Now…how does one do that, again?