Carnival barkers have nothing on smug question-pitching salespeople. It doesn’t matter what they are trying to sell or convince me of, they just irk me like a mosquito buzzing around in a dark room.
“See this here? Do you know what that means?”
“Exactly, that’s this thing that I’m seeding into your consciousness so when I get back to it later it will seem like it makes sense. And this other thing that is blatantly obvious, do you know it?”
“Of course. It’s that obvious thing.”
“I knew you’d know that. Not everyone I want to puff up with false flattery does. Now, this third thing that has nothing to do with the other two…do you see the connection?”
“Well, this first thing and this second thing. You already know those, because I’ve made you feel more vested in this conversation than you should be. So you must see that this third thing is…”
“A non-sequitur that I’m going to tenuously connect to the others in an effort to make my point and get you to buy into this thing I’m selling. You see that, right? I know you do.”
“I think so.”
“I knew you’d get it. No everyone does, especially those paying more attention to the smoke and mirrors than the patently obvious spiel I’m spieling because of my well-rehearsed, smug, spieliness. Because now I’m going to hammer home my point that, if you really thought about it, you’d know is pure balderdash.”
“I just wanted to know where the restroom is.”
“I don’t think you appreciate the necessity of my balderdash and how your life will be a hollow shell without it. If you’d just think about it, you’d see that….”
Starts doing the pee-pee dance.
“Down that way, to the left. Here, take a pamphlet.”
“You sir. Yes, you. See this here? Do you know what that….”